My Story - Part I

Here's my personal story everyone. I hope after reading this you will see that you're not alone with your feelings regarding your health condition, regardless of what it may be.

On December 23, 2009, I was rushed to Long Island College Hospital (LICH) via ambulance.  I had stayed home from work the prior 3 days because I was so exhausted I could barely get out of bed,  and when I did, it was only to use the bathroom.  I had no appetite, and when my husband tried to give me something to eat I would only have one or two bites because everything tasted like chalk.  I craved sweets, but nothing that I ate that was supposed to be sweet such as pineapple, peaches, etc. tasted sweet.  I was not experiencing any pain.  I only felt exhausted, I only wanted to sleep, and I just wanted everyone to leave me alone.

I don't remember the ambulance ride.  I vaguely recall the emergency room attendants asking me questions and then I was placed on a bed.  To fast forward, I was transferred to the intensive care unit.  Eventually, I was told that I had diabetes, specifically Type I.  While I was in the intensive care unit, I remember the attendants bringing in a man who that placed in the room next to mine.  Several hours later there was a commotion in his room and many doctors and other people (probably family members) entered his room.  After awhile, one of the doctors came out and said "he expired."  I remember becoming very afraid at that point because it finally hit me that I must be very, very ill to end up in such a place.  Before that, I was basically just sleeping all of the time and every hour, a doctor would come in and cut open one of my arteries to draw blood (which is very painful for anyone whose ever experienced that) because he said that he was unable to get the blood from my veins.   It also was not comforting for two doctors and one of the nurses to state that they don't know how I was still alive, because my blood sugar had exceeded 1,000 to the extent that they were not even able to get an exact reading.  I had been slipping in and out of diabetic coma (which explained why no one wanted me to sleep very long).  During my time in the hospital, I could barely eat because everything tasted like chalk - not because of the food, but because of my condition.

The morning that I was discharged from  LICH, a nurse came and sat by my bedside.  She told me that she was going to show me how to inject myself with insulin, because I would need to do that for the rest of my life in order to remain alive.  I recall looking at her in disbelief and saying,  " W H A T ??? "  Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I had never heard of or seen anyone administer insulin before.   A major part of my feeling as though I had just been crushed was that I am someone who had never had any prior medical issues other than the common cold/flu and some seasonal allergies.  I couldn't handle it.  To make matters worse, when the nurse instructed me to inject myself so that she would know that I could do it, my hands began to shake, I became nauseated, and I almost dropped the syringe.  I was in major denial and at that moment I decided that I was not going to live my life administering insulin to myself every day (4x/day).  I finally got the hang of it, but until the day I retired the insulin forever, I cringed every single time I had to inject myself.  My husband took me home, along with some starter insulin and my prescriptions.

I took the above photo in May 2010 after I was no longer using  insulin to remind myself that I would never need to use this again.  The prescription bottles contained Glipicide.  It can give you a heart attack.

Diabetes can affect the eyesight.  When I returned home, my eyesight deteriorated rapidly to the point where I ended up becoming what is known as "legally blind."  I have been told that the insulin also contributed to the problem.  My vision became so blurred that I had to get a prescription for very strong bifocals, and even with the bifocals I needed to use a magnifying glass and I still was unable to see well enough to read.  I had to stay home from work an entire month.  I was so frightened I didn't know what to do, and I became depressed.  I could not drive any more, couldn't leave the house alone because I couldn't see farther than a few feet in front of me and everything looked so blurry and menacing.  I didn't know what was going to happen to me.  I only left the house 2 or 3 times during that month accompanied by my husband and I panicked each time because nothing looked normal to me.  I was afraid to let go of his hand because I thought I would become lost.  Prior to this time I never wore glasses; I only occasionally used reading glasses with the strength of 1.50.  Even so, the bifocals didn't really help.

By the way - I had a reaction to the insulin the first week - my right ankle became swollen to about twice its normal size.  Also, food became the center of my world.  I began to live solely for the purpose of having my next meal.  When using insulin, you have to attempt to eat the same times each day.  After breakfast, you may have a snack around 10:00am,  then you have your lunch somewhere between 12 and 2, and around 4pm you can have another snack, and finally dinner somewhere before 7pm.  That's it.  However, the insulin made me crave food, and I found myself counting the hours and minutes until I could eat again.  Sometimes the insulin would make my blood sugar decline to a level too low, and my body would begin shaking. I was told to have some orange juice or something sweet to bring it back up so that I wouldn't pass out.  Well guess what -  there were many nights that I was afraid to go to sleep, because I feared that I wouldn't know if my blood sugar dropped too low and then I might end up going into a coma and die.  I can recall one evening when my blood sugar dropped to 65.  I did start shaking, however I was afraid to go to sleep that night.   Sitting here typing this is so surreal - as though I am experiencing those feelings again.  The final point I will make about food is that when I was finally healthy enough to travel again, I used to walk with a big bag of food, because I was always hungry and when I was away from home I panicked over being hungry.  I purchased and began wearing an identification bracelet just in case I were to pass out in public, someone would be able to identify that I was diabetic.  I also made sure that I had all of my emergency contact numbers easy to find in my wallet and in my tote bag.  Wow - what a life-changing experience.

After about one month I returned to work. I remember feeling sick when I had to go into the ladies room to administer the insulin, because I thought that the bathroom was too unsanitary, and there was no private area, so I went into the stall so no one would see me administering my medication.  My hands were shaking so much that I dropped my test strip on the floor ( I tested before and after each meal) and I started crying.  I took several minutes before I was able to administer the insulin.  When I returned to my desk all I wanted to do was leave and go home but I could not because I felt I didn't have a good enough reason, especially after being out for so long.

I knew that there was no way I would be using insulin for long.  I just couldn't take it.  My husband and I were searching diligently to find a cure for me which did not involve medication.   Our efforts led us to an herbalist who made her own liquid formulas.  She also gave us a recipe for a "green drink" which I may share in future posts.  Her formulas worked well and within a month my blood sugar levels began to decline to the point where my doctor said I could reduce the insulin dosage.  The down side to the formulas (there were three formulas that I had to use daily) was that they tasted very bitter and unpleasant, and they were expensive.  Nevertheless, I continued to use them (about 3 months) until I was able to discontinue the insulin, but I still had to use the Glipicide.

If you use oral medication for diabetes (or any other health challenge), please read their warnings and disclaimers.  I saw that the Glipicide can give you a heart attack!  I went running to my husband and showed him the disclaimer, and I was so frightened I didn't want to use it any more.  I had failed to read their disclaimer previously.  So I had a choice - use the meds and keep my blood sugar under control but risk a heart attack, or find an alternative.

..............continued in Part II.

Thanks for reading, and please comment and share if you have received value from my story.